Introduction 1- Family Legal System 2- Family Economy 3- Family Traditions Back to Happy Family Into

An Inclusive “Family Economy” continued...

A few things to watch out for:

1. What you don’t want is to create a disproportionate focus on money or to make your kids into little mercenaries who respond to every request with “how much will you pay me for that?” Be careful to make it clear to the child that the family economy applies only to a limited number of things. It is just a little family economy to help share some of the tasks and to help kids have their own money to buy their own things. Be sure they understand that “getting paid” does not apply to things outside of what is represented on their economy pegboard and that they should never ask to get paid for other things that you ask them to do, or for keeping their own room nice, or for doing other things that they are supposed to do.

Explain also that there are bigger, more important reasons than money for doing the things on the pegboard too. We do our homework so we can learn. We get ready for school so mom doesn’t have to bug us and so we don’t miss the bus. We take care of our zone because we all share our house. The money is just a little bonus, and only for the things in the economy, and the reason we have it is to help us to each be able to earn our own money.

2. Don’t do too much reminding. The whole idea is to have a system that polices and motivates itself. Adopt a matter-of-fact attitude that essentially conveys that “if you remember to do the things, and put in your pegs, and get your slip signed each night, fine, you will get paid for them. If you don’t, you won’t, because that’s how economies work.”

Kids will gradually (some faster than others) develop their own motivation if you just let the system work. Some will feel the need for money (or more money) very quickly, because they are concerned about clothes, or because they already have things they want to buy. Others will get motivated later when something comes along that they really want. Still others will be motivated just by the system itself and their desire to do well and to please you.

3. Don’t “rescue” them all the time, or bail them out. The hardest thing is to let the system work. If they spend all their money on Saturday and don’t have anything left when they want to go to a movie with their friends, just say you are sorry, that you have made the same kind of mistake yourself, and hope they do better budgeting next week. If they spend their money on a too-expensive name brand, let them figure it out themselves. If they ask for a loan, tell them it’s not that kind of bank.

Really letting the economy unfold and develop is the key, and not expecting some kind of magical quick fix. Biting your tongue and letting them make decisions is hard, but remember that the whole idea is to learn from mistakes made now while the stakes are small. Give a little advice now and then, especially if they ask for it, but remind them that it is their money and their decision. (This does not mean, of course, that you can’t have rules about things they cannot buy.)

4. Give your attention for the positive behavior, and ignore or pay as little attention as possible to the poor performance. If you have two kids, and one gets 19 of his 20 pegs that week, and the other gets 3, what you don’t want to do is focus on the second kid and say something like “When are you going to get it. Look how much your brother got. What’s the problem?” Instead, ignore the underachiever and focus on the go-getter: “Wow, 19 of 20! How did you remember every day? Do you have a system? I don’t remember reminding you once! Way to go!”

Remember that this family economy is a reward and incentive system, not a punishment or penalty system. The downside should simply be the absence of the reward and of the praise and attention that goes with doing well.

5. Don’t pay too much, but offer the potential for substantially more than the old allowance. Remember that the deal is for them to assume the responsibility not only for earning but for spending, and that they need enough to buy a large percentage of the stuff that you were buying for them before. Try to calculate roughly what you have been spending on your child in an average week, and set up the economy so that, if he gets all or most of his pegs, he can earn most of that.

Realistically, there will always be things he won’t want to buy for himself (underwear for example) and you will end up continuing to buy some things for him, but if you set it up right, your child should be able to begin deciding on more and more things himself, and paying for them.