Meanings of SENSITIVITY

Psychologists might call it empathy.

Psychiatrists might say extra-centeredness.

Christians may recognize it as charity and quote scriptures that set it apart as the highest virtue.

Jews as well as Christians could refer to it as the Golden Rule.

Buddhists, in strikingly similar language, would say seeking for others the happiness you desire for yourself.

In slightly different words, Hindus or Muslims would say the same thing.

Common people of any religion or no religion with common words of any language might just call it service.

And philosophers might name it love of one's neighbor and might remind us that it is "the only door out of the dungeon of self."
- G. K. Chesterton (English Author, 1874-1936)

We have called it sensitivity. But we wish the word to mean all of the above. We believe that it can be learned and taught and that it truly can be, both for our children and for ourselves, the door out of the dungeon of self.

As children grow through the elementary years, they often seem to lose their sweet, caring quality. Once they enter adolescence, their self-awareness becomes almost painful, sometimes leading to self-conscious shyness or withdrawal and sometimes to aggressive rebellion.

Sometimes the best way to define or understand a term is by its opposites. By sensitivity we mean the opposite of selfishness, self-centeredness, and self-consciousness - the opposite of the self-focused qualities that George Bernard Shaw said turns men into "selfish, feverish little clods of ailments, complaining that the world will not give us a living."

Sensitivity is a broadening, expanding quality. As the old phrase says, "He who is wrapped up in himself makes a very small package." The less preoccupation we have with ourselves - with our own needs and comforts - the more we can learn from, appreciate, and enjoy others.

Just as pride, greed, envy, and jealousy turn us inward and make us less aware of everything except what we want, sensitivity turns us outward and make us less aware of our own little troubles and more aware of the vast world around us - the world of beauty, of opportunity, and of other people.

Sensitivity is the foundation and the reinforcement for so much of what we hope to teach and to give our children. But it is not a simple quality, and it is not easy to teach or to learn. It is a series of skills that need to be developed one at a time and then blended together.

While it may be difficult to develop sensitivity, we've simplified the process by breaking it down like this:

U + O + F + C + D = S

Understanding + observing + feeling + communicating + doing = sensitivity.

Understanding (this preface has the objective of helping you understand the concept of sensitivity as it applies and can be taught to children of various ages).

Months 1 and 2 (seeing and listening) consist of a collection of workable methods to help children be more observant - to see and listen better.

Months 3, 4 and 5 are about helping children to be more honest about how they feel and more conscious of how others feel.

Months 6 and 7 consist of methods to help families and individuals communicate better about what they see and feel.

Months 8 and 9 are about service, which is the culminating action of sensitivity.

Together the nine months and their skills add up to sensitivity. Together they can make a difference in how we live and in how we love.

In the "program" you will have all the ideas, methods, stories, and answers you need to teach each skill. They are written to interact and draw your teenagers in so he or she will be as interested as you are.

Do this program with your teen. Make the commitment to develop your own sensitivity right alongside your teen.